There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize