woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize