i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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