You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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