can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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