I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize