did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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