we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
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This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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