ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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