he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize