I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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