he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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