my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize