I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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