UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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