I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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