Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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