How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize