Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize