My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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