You're completely useless in the revolution.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize