smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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