dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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