i think my tv is drunk
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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