life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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