did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You made out with two different species that night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize