Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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