Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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