One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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