I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize