I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize