I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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