I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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