dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How does one acquire holy water?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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