he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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