woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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