Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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