Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So. Much. Porn.
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