I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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