Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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