i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize