she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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