dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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