oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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