So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize