Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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