can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize