once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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