I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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