R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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